Want Some Fries With That?
by 1freespirit
Summary: A fuckin' burger. That's all Rick wanted. A burger with his grandson. But NOO, Morty had to pull some stupid shit and get himself sick. He just had to go ruin it. Of fuckin' course. Morty just had to do that shit. Shitty ass planet. Shitty ass public bathroom. Of all the shit he could do, he pulled that crap. [A Pocket Morty origin story]
1. Chapter 1

Morty was in his room, bored out of his mind. He had already taken a nap, accomplished his daily obsessive daydream about Jessica, reminisced about Snuffle's total canine uprising, and struggled though his math homework.

Morty Jr. had passed by, exchanging few words during a small lunch. He was planning a sequel for his book, and he had even gotten engaged. He said their love of death and conquering brought them together.

Morty was happy for them. But that was over several hours ago, and he was well past the euphoric hope of grandchildren.

He'd leave it to his son and future daughter-in-law that he had never met.

Morty was just pondering the thought of jacking off when Rick burst through the door, holding a bottle and his portal gun in one hand, gleefully yelling about a cool burger place that was nearby.

He stuttered endlessly, carelessly waving around the portal gun and alcohol, spittle flying from his lips every time he burped.

The more Rick spoke of the burger joint, the farther his pupils strayed from each other.

"We gotta go, Morty!" Rick said. He belted a major burp and continued. "It's the coolest shit I've ever seen!"

"Jeez, Rick." Morty replied. "Yo-yo-you're really hung up on this, uh, burger place, huh? What is it, like a Wendy's?"

"E- _eegh_ even better, Morty. It's like McDonald's and Wendy's had a baby, and the baby was raised by Bu-Burger King and KFC. It's so _fuckin'_ cool." He took a long swig from the bottle and belched vehemently.

"I gotta be honest, Morty. The place looks run down and the bathrooms are weird, but the food is amazing. You've got to try it with me, Morty. You gotta do i- _eehh_ t for grandpa, Morty."

"'For grandpa', Rick?" Morty said, slightly skeptical. "The last time you said that, I-I-I almost died."

"Whoa, _Morty!_ W-way to blow that out of proportion." Rick put the bottle to his lips and swung his head back, realizing all the booze was already gone.

He tossed the bottle onto Morty's bed and pouted, then pulled his flask out of the pocket of his lab coat. "Honestly, Morty. Stop being such a little pussy, Morty."

"I'm not being a pussy," Morty said, "I'm just saying, the last time you asked something so nonchalantly, there were some serious repercussions and-" Morty glanced at Rick, who had since taken a helping shot of liquor and was simply raising an eyebrow.

"For fuck's sake, l-let's just go." Morty said.

Rick placed the flask back into his pocket, and fired his pre-set portal into the wall. "Now we- _eghhe_ 're talking, Morty."

Morty stepped into the portal first, taking in the sights of the concrete floor, the shelves filled with scraps and tools, the workbench littered with tinkered devices, and-

"Rick, this is the garage."

"Yeah, brilliant observation Morty." Rick said. "Now get in the car, it's going to take a few hours to get there."

"But y-you said it was close." Morty said, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, it's c-closer because it's ha- _aagh_ lf a light year away, which means we'll be in there faster than me beating your record at 'Roy.'" Rick responded, rolling his eyes while starting the car, pulling out of the driveway.

"Damn Rick. You don't have to tear into me l-like that." Morty said as the vehicle flew up into the sky.

Rick didn't respond, and they quickly flew past the Ozone layer and into space, heading south from earth's direction. With a small belch, he flicked a lever and the ship pushed ahead at a quicker pace.

Morty dropped his annoyance in the span of ten minutes, a better record than the last time Rick had taken Morty on an adventure. Morty stared out the window in awe, watching the Milky Way slowly shrink behind them as they moved forward.

Rick stared ahead, swiftly taking the flask from his breast pocket and unscrewing the cap. "If you l- _iiigh_ ke that Morty, I'll take you to the Querdont Syst- _eeeghm_ sometime."

"Sounds cool, Rick." Morty said, still staring at the minuscule signs of the Milky Way.

Rick shook his head and slowly turned the ship to the right, taking a swig from his flask. He re-capped it and put it back in his pocket.

Morty's eyebrows suddenly came together in thought, and his eyes held a curious hint. He glanced at Rick, his expression unchanged. "Hey, Rick, why don't you give some of y-your tech to NASA or something. You know, t-take a few years off their research?"

Rick sat in place, pondering Morty's question. He supposed he could give NASA some devices to help them along their space research. Shit, he had even tinkered with some of their crap 'cuz he was bored. But,

"The ma- _aagh_ in question is: If I gave them some shit, how lo- _ooggh_ ng do you think it would take for them to accidentally contact the federation?"

"But couldn't you make it impossible to contact the federation?" Morty asked. His eyes shown with a keen interest in the topic.

"And how woul- _uugh_ d I do that, Morty?" Rick retorted, brow raised. The scientist relaxed in his chair, knowing Morty's ideas would immediately be shot down because, well, it was Morty. The question alone should give him some time to shut the fuck up and think, and hell, Morty would just might drop the topic entirely.

Morty stared at Rick curiously, and absentmindedly scratched his head as he turned to look at the floor. Again his brows furrowed together, and Rick could see an inkling of the wild-eyed stare Morty had, signaling an idea.

Even though his stare was much tamer than Rick's, it was still there. Morty was taking after his grandfather, and it unsettled him, a little.

"Brain waves." Morty put simply, glancing at Rick blankly. The inkling was gone.

Rick sighed. It was chalked up to be another dumb-ass idea. But still, Rick was curious to see where Morty would take this idea. "K-keep going." He absently muttered.

Morty started. "Uh. W-w-what if you used their brainwaves as a parental control? You, know, use it as a block so they can't contact the federation, whichever planet they're in."

Rick stared out his ship, slightly dumbfounded. He waved a hand around, ransacking his brain for a reply, but Morty beat him to another question.

"I-I-I mean, didn't you t-tell me they were a hive mind? They would all have the same brainwaves, right?"

"M-morty, what the f- _uugh_ ck?" Rick finally answered. "Where'd you get that ide- _eegh_ a from?"

"Okay, I get it, s-s-stupid thought." Morty back lashed. He crossed his arms and stared ahead.

"No, n _-oogh_ , Morty, that was kinda a good idea. Just some flaws, that's it."

"Like what?"

"I suppose I could give NASA some shit, but I don't give a fuck, Morty." Rick reached for another lever and flicked it down while pressing a button next to it. "Plus, they would also know that I ca- _aaggh_ me up with shit, Morty. They're gonna an-an _oooghy_ me with questions, and I don't have time for that."

"Oh, okay, Rick." Morty said.

Morty remained silent for the rest of the trip, staring at passing ships, passing universes, and even a passing mummified body.

Morty spent a good half hour debating how the body actually got there. He didn't even realize Rick had parked the ship and was already starting to open his door.

"Morty, we're here." Rick glanced at the inside of his wallet, rolling his eyes and pulling out some extra cash from under his seat. Morty hadn't seemed to of heard him, his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed in thought, _again_.

" _Morty_." Rick pressed. Morty snapped to attention, glancing at Rick's hand underneath the seat, scavenging or more change. He stepped out the car, looking up into the sky, instantly awestruck. Asteroids floated carelessly around the atmosphere, rolling into a loose belt that swirled around the planet. Golden hues mixed in with red, and hints of green poked around several suns.

The planet itself was actually a small planetoid, which was just a relatively bigger asteroid than the ones in the belt. The ground was a sulphurous yellow, and every shuffling step Morty took kicked up some of the dust. Only the burger joint stood out in contrast to the planet's colors.

"Welcome to the Epsilon Eridani System, Morty. Well, w-w-we were already here, but you lost yourself in dingus world for a sec, but- _oh shit_ , a Blips and Chitz coupon, sweet- I-I didn't want to bother you."

Morty stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching the remainder of the dust settle down, and he glanced inside the small building. A remarkably small alien was running around the tables, wearing a miniature uniform and taking orders. It's red skin was slick with some sort of clear fluid, and it watched an entire booth's occupants with three eyes, two small ones at each corner of it's face, and a large one dead center.

It nodded to it's customer's, then unfurled a hidden set of wings and flew away, skittering behind the counter and into the kitchen.

Rick belched. "Let's go Mo- _oorrgh_ ty." He slammed his door closed, and made sure he locked it. He turned as he grasped the door handle of the burger joint, annoyed. "Morty, just come inside, we're not gonna die anytime soon."

Morty stepped away from the car, his hands still in his pockets. "Okay, Rick."


	2. Chapter 2

Morty quickly took an empty booth closest to the door, staring out the window. The glass was smudged with some dark stain, and it looked fresh. Morty scooted away from the window, but stayed in the booth.

Rick sat opposite of him, picked up a menu by the corner of their table, and flipped it open.

Morty moved to pick up his own menu, but noticed it was written in an alien dialect. Rick would have to order for the both of them.

Morty stared past the dark smudge on the window, lingering on the slow lazy trail of the asteroid belt. It started making him drowsy, so he looked away from the emerald shined glass.

Rick was muttering behind the menu, tapping at random photos and nodding slowly. He flipped the menu over to Morty, a finger held at one item in the menu.

"I got this last time I was here. It's like a ba-ba- _aayygh_ conator, but instead of a few pieces of bacon, it's like the whole thing's wrapped in it."

Morty tilted his head. "I-It looks pink Rick."

"I know. Pr-pretty cool, right?" Rick asked.

Morty nodded. "Yeah, it- hey is that shaped like a Plumbus?" He suddenly asked, pointing at a specific picture.

Rick flipped the menu back over to himself, and his eyes widened. He lifted the menu closer to his face. "Je- _eeegh_ sus fucking Christ, it is!"

"Can I get that?" Morty asked hopefully. He tapped on the booth table lightly and glanced back at the stain on the wall. It was surprisingly much darker and thicker than last time, and a small fissure appeared in the center of it, splitting open like liquefying gelatin.

Morty gagged, forgetting about the Plumbus shaped meal. "Rick, l-l-look at the stain. It's so nasty."

"Not as nasty as your gross obsession over Jessica." Rick replied without looking up at the menu.

"Rick, seriously. Look at this." Morty pressed.

Rick tore his gaze from the menu with a disinterested glare. "That could hardly be called a stain, Mo- _oorgh_ ty. Here," he said, throwing a swab at him, "poke it."

"Wh-wh-why would I poke it?" Morty asked.

"Because your an adolescent male, Morty. Kids your age usually start poking at dead things for some type of gain."

"Kids my age usually start drinking, Rick." Morty said, poking the gelatinous dark matter on the glass.

"Well, ki-k _iigh_ ds your age actually know the simple answer to four times five."

Morty pressed his lips together into a thin line, angrily pulling the swab away from the window. He forced a gag down his throat when the dark semi-liquid trailed with the swab, releasing the fumes of a scent similar to sour milk.

Something tapped against him, and Morty looked down at the long thin vial Rick was gesturing to him with. The slime was starting to gain the old man's interest.

Swallowing thickly, Morty twirled the swab around, gathering the trailed slime hanging between the window and the end of the swab, breaking the trail and putting the sample into the vial.

Morty shivered as Rick put the vial into his lab coat. "Rick, w-w-would you mind switching seats with me?"

"Why, scared of a l- _liggh_ ttle slime hanging off a wi-win- _doggh_ ow?" Rick teased.

"Rick, please." Morty pleaded.

Rick stared at Morty, then stood up grumbling. He took out a set of tools from his pocket after he took Morty's previous seat in the booth, prodding at the specimen with more interest. "Huh, it's organic." He mumbled to himself.

A low warbled voice came from behind them. "Sir, if you'll stop prodding the mess on the window, I'll take your order."

Morty glanced away from Rick's cock-eyed stare and glanced down at the source of the voice.

The slick red alien was standing on the floor, hopping from leg to leg. It made a coughing sort of gesture and hopped again. "If you would be kind enough to lift me up to the table." He warbled to Morty.

"Oh, I-It's no problem." Morty replied, reaching an open palm to the creature. The alien hopped on, and Morty passed the alien up slowly to the table, where it pattered around.

"Thanks. Busted wing." It unfurled a slightly bent wing, buzzing with crystalline transparency. A needle suddenly jabbed into the thin membrane of the wing, and green fluorescent liquid poured inside, tracing the veins like stained glass.

Rick pulled the needle from the creature's appendage, rolling his eyes while placing the syringe into his lab pocket.

The bent wing righted itself with a twitch, and the small alien inspected It's previously injured appendage. "It's still green." It stated simply. "No, matter." It said shaking it's head while closing one eye. "Would you gents like to order now?"

"Oh, right." Rick said. He glanced at the menu quickly. "I'll take the Vuxterip special, and my grandson wi- _iigh_ ll take the one that's shaped like a Plumbus."

"Ahh. Order one hundred, and one hundred-twenty." The small alien said, jotting down everything in it's order pad. It flew off, barking orders in it's native language while fluttering into the kitchen.

Rick muttered, turning back to the dark matter on the window.

"W-w-what's wrong Rick?" Morty asked.

Rick took another sample from the window. "I wasted a serum on the alien."

Morty was appalled. "How could you say that? He wouldn't have been able to do his job."

" _It,_ Morty, barely lives that long. It only evolved to live an extra three minutes from it's half an hour life span, and it can't e- _eegh_ ven form it's own gender."

"So, why did you use it?" Morty asked.

"'Cause I'm fuckin' hungry Morty." Rick retorted. He rolled his eyes when Morty glared at him.

Morty shook his head, a nervous twinge sitting at the bottom of his gut. He shifted in his seat, tapping the underside of the table absentmindedly.

Rick stopped poking at the mold on the window, wafting away the stench of sour milk by waving his hand. "Holy hell." He said, removing another flask from his breast pocket. "You were right, it's na- _aghh_ sty."

"Here it is. Order one hun-der-red, and hun-dred twenty." The small red alien singsonged to them. It placed their trays of food down with ease, considering the food was twice it's body weight. It tapped it's notebook. "Your payments can be made at the front." It ripped off the sheet from the rest of the notebook, handing it to Rick. "If there's any concerns about your order, please consult my brother."

"Okay." Morty said.

The small alien nodded politely, the flew into a corner above a biological reprocess unit. It's wings buzzed for a few seconds, and then the alien grew paler, struggling to keep up it's altitude. A warbled sigh escaped it, and it dropped, where it was promptly re-purposed in three seconds by the whirring machine.

Morty sat still, watching Rick digging into his alien burger with glee through his peripheral vision. The nervous twinge in his gut turned into nausea, and he poked at his Plumbus shaped meal with less interest.

"Rick, do you know where the bathroom is?" Morty asked.

Rick pointed outside, trying to quickly swallow his food. "Outside. Le- _eggh_ ft. You'll see it, it looks like a shitty outpost."

Morty pushed his plate away from him as Rick continued to scarf down the burger. As directed, Morty walked out the burger joint and turned left, the once calm enjoyable trail of asteroids tightening his gut with more nausea. He scuffled hurriedly to the bathroom, kicking up more of the sulphurous dust on his way.

He found the bathrooms, which were surprisingly similar to a gas station rest stop, albeit the signs were in alien dialect. Morty took the section to the left, feeling safer about Rick's planetary guidance. Coincidentally, the sign outside was blue, so maybe the bathrooms were gender specific.

Morty walked to a sink, and turned the faucet. He barely registered the green water as it sloshed onto his hands and onto his face. Morty splashed another handful of water on his face, trying to ignore the nausea in the pit of his stomach.

Something squelched, and Morty turned at the sound, both hands on the edge of the sink. Nothing remarkable stood out, the stalls were empty, and the sound seemed to have come from nowhere.

Morty turned back to the sink, suddenly hit with the curdled scent of expired milk. He gagged, forcing the rise of bile back down his throat. He swallowed thickly, catching a glimpse of the last stall in the mirror.

Mangled flesh gripped the ceiling and walls, pulsating noxious gas into the bathroom. The stench of sour milk got worse, and Morty's stomach lurched.

He heaved into the sink, his innards burning as the mix of semi-digested snacks and stomach acids rose up. The running tap water washed most of his vomit away, chunks of food still sitting around the drain.

Morty felt lightheaded, his hands gripping the sides of the sink again to keep himself up from falling to the ground. Another wave of nausea clawed at him, and he swallowed it back.

More gas emitted from the corner of flesh, and Morty's nausea and dizziness intensified. Turning off the faucet, Morty ran out of the bathroom, vomiting tartly outside, preferably away from the creature inside.

His stomach churned as he thought of the gas in the room, cold sweat gathering around his forehead. He took a shaky breath, the taste of bile still on his tongue.

"Morty. Come _o-ooggh_ n, I got this stuff to go, and- oh you're fuckin' shittin' me."

Morty backtracked a step towards Rick's ship, keeping an eye on the bathroom door. A wave of dizziness and nausea hit him simultaneously, and Morty's head spun.

"Ah, don't _fa-iigh_ nt on me like a bi _-iigh_ tch, Morty." Rick said. He grabbed his socially awkward grandson roughly by the shoulders, pushing him into the passenger seat as gently as the stock market crash.

He secured him onto the chair with the barely functional seatbelt, then took his own beloved seat in front of the steering wheel, taking a nice precautionary swig of alcohol just to be on the safe side of a space highway.

Fuck the space highway.

Rick muttered about his now-getting-cold-burger-that-he-wanted-to-share-with-his-grandson as he started the slavery powered car, pulling out of the dingy parking lot of the "shitty ass planet, anyway."

Morty's head lolled towards the window, so Rick couldn't catch the exact shape the boy was in, but judging by his posture, he looked smashed to hell. Just what the fuck happened in the span of three minutes?

 _'Whatever'_ Rick thought. ' _Morty always bounced back from worse_.'


End file.
